The End is ONLY for Noh

Dearest Noodles,
I am sorry for the inconvenience with Mr. Noh Dancer. The Church will continue to stay upon it's feet regardless of the statistics. My studies show that these so called statistics are WRONG as is Noh Dancer is in leaving. We can make it. Just follow the ancient rule of Noodle. Please leave comments if you have any concerns. I hope that you all enjoy the rest of your days here.
Your favorite pasta,
NoodleintheNood

Noodle Speaks

Yay the Noodle speaks unto you in all her glory and power. Thanks to faithful members of our beautiful church we are still going strong. Please remember to read the Book of Noodle each day and always have faith that we will do the right thing with our Twinkies and Faygos. The 9 month Stoning Period begins on the day of Halloween, so be ready. Even though our church was ripped off by certain people that I will not mention at this time, we will have our money restored within a short period of time. Keep donating. The excommunications will proceed before the death of our unfaithful member. Always keep in mind that Atkins is Satan and that is why we killed him. Please remember to donate all the money you can get into our fund. Don't give it to the Hurricane Katrina victims or those people from "Feed the Children." Our money goes to a much better cause than that. Always support your church, no matter what. Later we shall be taking a peak at the Anarchists Cook Book, supplied to us by the kind leader of the church theXUnwashedX Masses" also a known member of the church "The Church of the Creative Anarchists", Spike Manuna. Stay tuned and listen to our dear spokesperson Noh Dancer. Enjoy!
Love always with Good Sauce,
NoodleintheNood

BoN The Grand Retour

And I looked, and Behold, the Heavens were rolled back like Prices at Walmart. And the Earth shook as if under the tread of myriad upon myriad of crazed Shoppers.

And I awoke and wrote down my vision. For I realized it was from Holy Noodle Herself, showing me what was to be at the End of Days.

The Grand Retour. A Return of such epic and magnificent proportions that Noodle waited until Now to reveal it to us. Truly we live in blessed times!

The Grand Retour. The Final Step on the long journey to push back Sauce and It's minions. A Step in which All will be returned to their True and Right forms and places. No longer will Mankind wonder if they should eat "X". For all will be clean and righteous, and a Praise to Noodle.

Each Family will sit under their own spaghetti tree and pluck meatballs from their own vine. It will be a Paradise for all. No more will we, the Forces of Noodle, clash with the Forces of Sauce. But we will be brethren together, sharing a common love and vision! For Noodle&Sauce will be One and Their Unity will be our unity. Their Peace, our peace. Their Joy, our joy.

But the Grand Retour will not simply happen. Great and Terrible things must first take place. Trials, conquests, wars, journeys. All will happen. And we must conquer each that comes our way, as Noble Noodler's, for the Glory and Salvation of Noodle. Remember, as you strike down the Forces of Sauce, that one day they will be your brethren, so strike quickly and cleanly, and commit their souls to Noodle's Mercy. All Hail Noodle!

BoN There Can Be Only One

Now, many of you might think that this chapter is a cheap ripoff from Highlander or something. Well, it isn't. The Highlander People ripped it off from Noodle&Sauce.

You see, back before the earth was formed, Noodle&Sauce were in perfect unity, dwelling together in peace and harmony. But soon Sauce was not satisfied with It's Lot, and wanted All! Naturally, Noodle defended Herself and hence was born the Current War known to all as the Eternal War. Noodle desires to return to that union of Oneness, but Sauce cannot even contemplate it anymore simply because It has gone too far down the path of Selfishness. To attain the Unity, each would have to give up some of Theirself and become a New Being. This is anathema to Sauce. So It seeks to destroy Noodle and be the Only Eternal Being in the Universe!

And so you see, Dear Noodlers, we fight not for mere gain or pleasure, or selfish reason, but we fight so as to weaken Sauce enough so as to Force It into the Eternal Oneness. We fight to defend Noodle's Sanctity. We have a Cause, and is it not Righteous!?!? YES, IT IS!!

So fight on in the Knowledge of Rightness. Noodle blesses each of you in whatever Part you play. Remember Noodle's Love, and Persevere!!!!

All Hail Noodle! All Hail Noodle! All Hail Noodle! All Hail Noodle!

The Wrath Of Noodle

A blasphemer has been found! Blasphemous Comments

As you can tell by his statements, he is the worst type of blasphemer. He simply dismisses Noodle with a contemptuous comment. Ludicrous even, because all True believers know that Noodle Herself is eternal.

Now, what is worse. He is a nefarious, sneaky adversary. Hidden Forces from the Synod investigated said blasphemers blog, and lo and behold, it was merely a front so he could comment on blogger. His main site is at Xanga. Now, Noodle has nothing against Xanga, but when the Forces of Sauce hide there[xanga forces one to register to comment, a very Sauce like rule!], well, that is just cowardly.

And so Noodle has ruled the following:
Old Man, you are consigned to the embraces of Sauce forever! There is no mercy in Noodles heart for you, you have passed out of the realm of mercy and into the kingdom of darkness. May you writhe eternally in the soggy embrace of Sauce, as you slowly digest, like a meatball.

BoN Slaughter of the Faithful

Here in is contained a sad chapter in The Book of Noodle

Man was created, had fallen away from Noodle and were in the process of turning to Sauce. Noodle created The Synod and appointed the Shallamessiah to bring the people back. Sadly, they were failing. As the Forces of Sauce grew stonger, they began to Oppress The Faithful. So they were forced to go Underground. They hid their beliefs, suppressed their vows and blended in. However, they needed to show eachother who they were.

And thus was born the Eyebrow Wiggle of Noodle. It instantly communicated that the Eyebrow Wiggler was a True&Faithful Noodler. Unfortunately, Noodle also instituted a "the person next to me is a Saucer, kill him!" eyebrow wiggle and it was only one half wink different. And hence the slaughter began, among Faithful Noodlers! The Synod convinced the Shallamessiah to intercede with Noodle and un-institute the Eyebrow Wiggle. And the slaughter ended.

From then on, the Shallamessiah took a much more hands on role in the Noodle Cult. Unfortunately, that led to the last Shallamessiah, Jeff, taking a very Hands On approach to the Twinky&Faygo Fund. So now we have the Grand Communal.

All Hail Noodle! All Hail Noodle! All Hail Noodle! All Hail Noodle!

BoN-The Chocolate Sword of Justice

The History of the Chocolate Sword of Justice.

In the battle, Noodle realized that frail Humanity was not doing what they had been created to, and had fallen prey to the blandishments of Sauce. So Noodle searched thru-out the Earth for something to turn the battle.

And She came across Cacao. She played with it, and made Chocolate. But, the actuality of Chocolate was not enough to tip the Balance. So, Noodle infused some of Her essence into a particular Vat of Chocolate and from it She forged the Sword of Justice.

And these Swords were dispersed to the troops, and the Balance began to tip. The forces of Noodle began to scythe thru the forces of Sauce. And Sauce was worried. So He too began to play with Chocolate. But, He simply twisted what Noodle had done, and used Chocolate for His own ends, hence, Chocolate Sauce and Chocolate Syrup. So the Balance was once again Equal.


Now, to answer the question of Seeker of Truth. The question-why are we made of 70% water and yet are Noodle's Creations? The answer is so theologically simple, that it is not surprising that people miss it. So, who here eats noodles right out of the box? All hard and crunchy? Hmm, I didn't think so. You see, pastas must be boiled in WATER to be in their proper State. So that was just a little reminder by Noodle to the Human Race. A Covenant of sorts.